THE CURIOUS CASE OF HUMAN ORIGIN

Right from the times when our brains start developing into the size of a pea, we were all left with one million-dollar question! Where did we come from?

PHASE 1- ULLU BANOING

I remember how I used to go around asking my parents every day wearing my frock with two clips on two sides of my head and a mushroom cut on my head, the origin of my existence. Where did I come from? Where did my best friend who has a better tifin box come from? Where did you come from? And one day, they gave me the perfect answer. I got to know where I have come from. I told all my friends and obviously they were too happy to know. I was told I am a gift sent from the heaven to a hospital where babies made by God are put into rows. Parents visit this hospital and they take away the baby they like with them. Since my parents found my smile extremely charming, I was taken. That’s what I was told.

PHASE 2- DOUBTS CREEP IN

I used to sit in a group around the table and tell stories to every friend of mine that how we all are born. That how we all are gifts and we will receive our own gifts as soon as we marry someone. It was when some classmate was shocked and told me that I am fooling everyone, I was taken aback. I was taken way too aback when he told me that his parents told him that he appeared magically when his mother closed her eyes and slept off with his father. A completely different story, we all wanted to find out the truth and hence switched on our detective mode.

PHASE 3- BOLLYWOOD MOVIES

I was now a little grown up. My mother used to tie my ponies with a brown ribbon and make me wear socks reaching my knees. I was now able to read and write properly. Life was stuck between choosing the right color to fill the background of my drawings to finding out my very own origin. How did I land into my mother’s arms? I was hurt that my parents lied to me and thus stopped asking them this question and made it my mission to crack the codes on my own.

Tom and Jerry and Bob the Builder were replaced with Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and Hum Aapke Hain Kaun. I used to dance on the beats of ‘Koi Ladki hai jab wo hasti hai’ while my mother used to be busy on the phone with my maasi discussing the latest soaps. I was in a state of utter shock when the Heroine was declared pregnant the next day after spending a night with the Hero. I realized that they switched off the lights and laid on a bed and the scene was changed. And boom! I decoded the human origin. Switch of the lights, lie down on a bed and the next day, the lady will feel someone kicking her in her tummy.

PHASE 4- LIP TO LIP WHAT?

Time was changing and so were my detective skills. I now used to play LUDO and SNAKE N LADDER with extreme proficiency. My plaited hair reached my shoulder and my frock was out of my size. I was made to wear new bigger clothes. Bollywood movies were still ahead of NODDY and PINGU on my everyday list. More and more movies were watched and more and more lights were switched off to declare the heroine pregnant in the next scene. It was when they showed a little more between dimming the lights and switching the entire switchboard at once, my eyes couldn’t believe what they saw. I ran to ask my mother who was cooking something in the kitchen about what I just saw. The hero kissed his heroine on her lips. BOOM! A kiss is all it takes to get your tummy filled with a baby.I thought I did a sin by watching that. I promised myself to go back to watching NODDY.

PHASE 5- THE EMRAAN HASHMI PHASE

I now used to carry 5^th standard books on my shoulders to school. I kept in my mind not to run into a boy and end up touching his lips accidently to avoid pregnancy.

Promises were broken. Channels were scrolled again. Movies again dominated my precious TV watching time. I was busy dancing on ‘KOI MIL GAYA, MERA DIL GAYA’ when the teacher made me sit with some cute looking guy in class.
 ‘Bheege hoth tere’ was being telecasted on the same channel that showed universal movies every hour. I got reminded of the lip to lip touches and got scared. Still, like every other child, I wanted to know more and thus sat in front of the television with full courage to finally find out everything. It was when this Emraan boy slid down from the ‘Hoth’ to the neck to further down, I switched off the television for the entire week and promised myself not to discuss the adult song with anybody. I told the cute looking guy what I saw and he laughed.

PHASE 6- GIRLS MEETING IN SCHOOL

‘’ All the girls of class 6 are requested to assemble in the auditorium.’’ – this announcement in the assembly made every boy look at each other and smile wickedly. The auditorium had the screen rolled down. We were excited. They had called us to show us a film without the stupid boys.

 Turned out, we were informed about the 5 day cycle about to make our white skirts red every month if the instructions were not followed. I thought an adventure awaits me. It will be fun.

I was kicked right in my face when reality hit me three months later. Something leaked out. I thought I had cancer and asked my mother to donate my eyes when I go away. She smiled and gave me the pad they had showed us in the film in the school without those stupid boys. I got reminded that these days are an indication that I am not pregnant.

PHASE 7- 5 DAY CYCLE IS LATE!

I was scared. The horror yet necessary cycle didn’t show up on time this time. I looked at my tummy. It seemed a little bloated. I blamed it on the excessive consumption of Dairy Milk.

Two days passed, it still didn’t occur. I was scared. I realized I was pregnant. I recalled all my encounters with every boy in school. There were no acts of switching off lights and doing the adult things involved. I was confused. I remembered that a male friend held my hand a week ago. Does that make one pregnant? I didn’t know. I prayed to God to make the 5 day cycle occur in my body and promised him that I won’t even sit with any guy in class.

One day later, I had it. I took a breath of relief. Thanks to God, I wasn’t pregnant.

PHASE 8- THE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM IN THE BIOLOGY BOOK

It was 8^th grade when the Science book had a chapter on all the systems of the human body. The nervous, respiratory, circulatory and excretory were covered in detail. The Reproductive system stated something about sexual intercourse of the human bodies. I didn’t understand the meaning of the word intercourse and the one little paragraph on this system disappointed me. It didn’t give away anything.

PHASE 9 –THE REALITY

A four page detailed study of the male and female reproductive system along with the entire process in 9^th grade cleared all my details.  I now knew everything. I read it thrice and appeared for the exam and the book was closed. But the doubts no longer existed. I was well aware.

PHASE 10 - NOW

I am 18 years old and well aware about this process. And every time I see a child ask this to his or her mother, I can't help but smile. :)